Writing Insecurities Series: Can I Write?

The Writing Insecurities Series

 1.Lack of Spelling Skills

2. Is My Writing Good Enough?  

As writers we have at least one story inside of us. That story is begging to come out and exist. Some of us only write the story for ourselves but others write for an audience. For whatever reason we have to get the story out on the page.

My question is: Can I do that? Can I write the story inside me? If I can't, can I write well?

I struggled with this for the last few days. I'm working on (I think) my 4th draft of this novel. It wasn't until the 3rd try that I liked the plot of my novel. I read the 3rd draft and found I had a decent plot and liked most of the scenes I have written. But these scenes only added up to about 25,000 words and I noticed major plot holes. Like I didn't have a clear antagonist.

Despite this I knew I had a story I wanted to tell and a good structure to work with.

I have been working on putting this story in order and filled those plot holes. This week I had to write a few new scenes between scenes I had written in the 3rd draft. That when I remembered how hard it is to create fresh rare scenes. Maybe I'm more comfortable taken what I have written, and building on that to make a better scene. I struggle to get the image in my head on to the page or in this case the computer screen.

Since I struggle with putting the story into words I wonder can I really write?

I like to think I can.

Another thing I struggle with is the art of storytelling. One of my cousin and my brother are wonderful storytellers. My cousin has her audience laughing that whole time she tell her stories. My brother know how to engaged his audience the whole time.

I can't do this, not like they can.

This is another thing that make me wonder if I'm not a good storyteller, can I write well.

 I don't doubt I'm a writer. I write therefore I'm a writer but I doubt I can write well. The thing I have to keep reminding myself is there's are many quotes out there about Writing is really about the rewrite. 

Writing Insecurities Series: Is My Story Good Enough?

The Writing Insecurities Series:

1. Lack of Spelling Skills 

Last week I started writing about my writing insecurities. I started with my lack of spelling skills. Something small and with a little work easily fixed. Today I want to talk about one of my big writing insecurities. The question: is my story good enough?

I felt this question running through my head all week. As I wrote on my story, and when I studied my writing board full of post-in-notes where I have written down notes about scenes I have written, scenes I have re-written, and scenes I need to write.

Is my story good enough?

My novel is a romance written for Young Adults (Teenagers 13-18). It's about a girl with hearing loss, like me. Mercy was based on my teenage years. Like I said was, I don't think she as much like me as I have re-written this story a few times.

But this story is not about being hard of hearing. (Mercy's isn't deaf. There is a different) I tried to write that story. The one where the main plot was her coming to terms with her hearing loss. I hated that story, and hated the conflict Mercy had to deal with as she searched for a cure for her hearing loss.

Yeah!

I tried to write that story and hated it.

 So now the coming to term with her hearing loss is a sub-plot and doesn't involved trying to find a cure.    

I worried that since my novel is a romance, will that go over well? Will people say bad things about it, since it is about a teenage girl falling in love? Will it be better if I wrote a tragedy? Will it be compared to Twilight? Not in the good way but in the way that people complain about Twilight.

Also I wanted to write an contemporary novel but that not how my pantser writing mind works. I like to add magical elements to my story. So I ended up with a romantic magical realism(est) story. (It's not like the Latin American Literature that is the real Magical Realism.) I fear that someone will have something to say about that too. That I'm calling my story Southern  Magical Realism is a bad thing. It's not Southern Gothic. There's no ghosts. But I believe that The South has it's magical realism charm that doesn't involved ghosts or voodoo.  My Magical Realism charm involved coffee and a coffee shop.

Another thing about my story that I worry is about the heroine. There's in a lot out there about Deaf Pride. Thanks to the show Switched at Birth with a strong female Deaf character (the capital D means that they are part of the Deaf Culture) and people like the male model, Nyle DiMarco, and the actress Marlee Matlin to name a few. These people are happy and glad to be deaf.

Switched at Birth, Marlee Matlin, Nyle DiMarco

My character Mercy struggle with being Hard of Hearing. She's not what she wants to be: Hearing. It's how I felt as a teenager. I wrote this stories for teenagers who struggle with knowing who they are. I love all these wonderful role models for being Deaf, deaf and hard of hearing and prided of it. But I wanted to write about the struggle. I fear someone won't like the fact that my character isn't prided. And that she want to be Hearing, and not part of the Deaf Culture.  

That she isn't part of the Deaf Culture.

But see I wanted to write about my experience. I'm not Deaf (a person can be hard of hearing and be part of the Deaf Culture). To name one reason why: I don't use American Sign Language as my main form of communication.

So all that to say I worry is my story isn't good enough, and is it saying all the things I want it to say.

What are some of your writing insecurities? Do you have anything to say about being hard of hearing or deaf? Maybe something about Deaf Culture? 

Writing Insecurities Series: Lack of Spelling Skills

I think it's safe to say that all writers have some insecurities when it come to their craft or their stories.

 I'm going to start with something that non-writers think is a major obstacle: spelling. (BTW I had to Google obstacle to spell it.)

A little background information about me. I'm hard of hearing. I hear most voice sounds and low tones, but can't hear things like bells, whistles, birds singing. the S's sound and all the silent sounds related to it (ch, sh, st, sc for ex.)  Not hearing these sounds and having a hearing loss made the Friday's spelling test a pain in the butt for me and my mama. God Bless her for she helped me study for the test ALL WEEK LONG (May God bless her for her whole life just for that)  Spelling was study every week from the beginning first grade to (for me) Eleventh grade. I wanted to kill teacher for the Hard of Hearing Class when she told me  I had to still take spelling in the ninth grade.

I'm not kidding.

First day of ninth grade and she's my new teacher for my hard of hearing class. I blew up in her face, and screamed at her. I was told I wouldn't have to worry about "spelling tests" once I reached high school. It's not like me to get that angry, in fact it embarrassed me to no end once it's was over. (I rarely get mad, but crying another story)

(Why until Eleventh grade? I went to "regular" English class in Eleventh grade. Let's just say I was glad to leave that teacher behind. A post for another day)

Needless to say I'm insecure about my ability to spell well.  

Since I have dealt with my lack of spelling skills my whole life I have figured out ways around it, like googling the word or a phase that included the word. For Ex: I googled Major Obstacles for the word above. I don't see my lack of spelling skill as major obstacle for my writing.  But as long as I wanted to be a writer, (age 13)  other people have seen it that way and were not afraid to share their thoughts with me.  It's even showed up on my career exam in high school. Yes, I wrote on that thing I wanted to be a writer! 

I had goggling instead of googling in that paragraph. Anyone see a turkey I can consult about my spelling?

My thoughts have always been there's more to creating a story then spelling. That said; I'm afraid that since I'm hard of hearing I'm going to put wrong word down on paper. Sometimes I try to sound out word it's sound like the word I want to use. For example this Sunday or Monday one of the founder of a writers' group on twitter called #Turtlewriters asked the question

Are you a planner, a pantser or something in between?

If you would like to see this tweet feed click here.

 I answered and the autocorrect on my smart phone changed the word pantser to panther. I didn't noticed when I posted my tweet.  This started a bunch of silly tweets between me and another writer about panthers and autocorrect. I make THE MISTAKE. I wanted to say that I wanted to strangle autocorrect sometimes but instead I type straggle. I thought I had spelled the right word, I couldn't blame autocorrect this time.

But I had others in good humor point it out to me. I ended up laughing and joking about the mistake. All this made me happy that I found this writers' group. One that I make me feel right at home when I see their funny and sometimes crazy tweets.

I can easily over come my insecurity in my lack of spelling skill with autocorrect, spell check, Google or an oldie but a goody the dictionary. 

I had planned to give a list of my writing insecurities and why but instead decided to create a series about it. 

What are your writing insecurities? You are welcome to answer in the comments below.